Serena: I need to talk. I’m having Colin issues.
Blair: And boundary issues. Ladies knock. And besides, the only issue you should be having with Professor Forrester is the topic of your midterm. Now if you don’t mind, i’d like to hit the snooze button on this conversation and go back to… Okay.
Serena: All I can think about is how much I wanna be on his arm at the ballet. And instead, i’ve got the Dean’s target on my back. How are we supposed to even try to have a relationship?
Blair: [the blanket moves; Blair hits it] I hate it when the duvet puffs up like that. Maybe it’s just the way you’re sitting.
Serena: I know we agreed to wait, but it feels like meanwhile, life is just passing us by. It’s… it’s not fair.
Blair: Life is tough, Serena. Just… get a helmet. Or at least borrow one of my chapeaus. Wear it all day to remind you not to lose your… head! Get on! Go!
Serena: Well, thank you for the great advice.
Chuck: This comforter blocks out so much noise, they could sell it at Bose.
Blair: Ugh, this has got to end.
Chuck: [looks down] I thought it just did.
Blair: That was the last time.
Blair: Where is Martha’s date?!
Chuck: Penthouse suite at the empire with a woman I assure you he won’t want to leave until morning, maybe afternoon. Depends on his cardio.
Blair: I was going to play nice. You think I don’t have a plan “B”?
Chuck: Plan “B”?! What could be more cunning and devious than date night?
Blair: I had Dorota get chummy with Martha’s maid, who came over from one of her sweatshops in the Philippines. If I had to, I’ll blackmail her for the position.
Chuck: An illegal maid scandal? Nobody’s cared about those in years.
Blair: And a lesbian switheroo doesn’t make you Blackwater.
Chuck: The switheroo was for fun. The I.R.S. Agent standing by to crawl up Martha’s audit is not
Blair: A tax fraud setup? They give away girl scout badges for that. I have prenup. It has details.
Chuck: I have the nanny. She has pictures. Martha’s ex is in them. So is Martha. It turns out it was a threesome until the nanny turned it into a twosome.
Martha: Oh, my God! You students are psychotic. I have better things to do with my time. Tell the deam I quit.
Chuck: Shame. Sounded like a great class. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve heard good things about the make-your-own-pizza-bar.
4.05 Goodbye Columbia
4.02 Double Identity Still
Blair & Chuck | Season 4 promo